Notorious B.I.G. (Biggie Smalls) Lyrical Skills

As sort of a follow-up to my greatest MCs list, I thought I’d post this e-mail I’ve been saving for years. It shows how creative and efficient Biggie was with his lyrics.

NOTORIOUS B.I.G. SONG TRANSLATION AS A TRIBUTE TO THE NOTORIOUS B.I.G. …

This paper was turned in by an Oakland High school student who
received the highest honors at the school district’s ebonics
translation competition.

Assignment:
Please translate the following song lyrics from ebonics to standard
English.

Artist: Notorious B.I.G.
Album: Ready to Die
Song: One more chance (remix)

LYRICS:
First things first, I poppa, freaks all the honeys
Dummies – playboy bunnies, those wantin’ money
Those the ones I like ’cause they don’t get nathan’
But penetration, unless it smells like sanitation
Garbage, I turn like doorknobs
Heart throb, never, black and ugly as ever
However, I stay coochied down to the socks
Rings and watch filled with rocks

TRANSLATION:
As a general rule, I perform deviant sexual acts with women of all
kinds, including but not limited to those with limited intellect, nude
magazine models, and whores. I particularly enjoy sexual encounters
with the latter group as they are generally disappointed in the fact
that they only receive penile intercourse and nothing more, unless of
course, they
douche on a consistent basis. Although I am extremely unattractive,
I am able to engage in these types of sexual acts with some
regularity. Perhaps my sexuality is somehow related to my fancy and
expensive jewelery.

Lyrics:
And my jam knock in the Mitsubishi
Girls pee pee when they see me, Nava-hoes creep me in they tee pee
As I lay down laws like I lay carpet
Stop it – if you think your gonna make a profit

TRNSL:
I enjoy playing my music loudly on my car stereo. Apparently, women
enjoy this also because they become sexually aroused when they see me
driving. Oddly enough, when I visit the Native American reservations,
some of the more sexually promiscuous Indian women attempt to seduce
me in their homes. Their intent is to divest me of my earnings. Such
actions are unacceptable.

Lyrics:
Don’t see my ones, don’t see my guns – get it
Now tell ya friends Poppa hit it then split it
In two as I flow with the Junior Mafia
I don’t know what the hell’s stoppin’ ya
I’m clockin’ ya – Versace shades watchin’ ya
Once ya grin, I’m in, game begin

TRNSL:
Understand this fact: you can have neither my money, nor my weapons.
I suggest that you inform your peers that we engaged in violent
sexual acts. Currently, I am rapping with my associates, the Junior
Mafia. I’m having some difficulty understanding why you refuse to
approach me. I am attempting to make eye contact with you through my
expensives glasses, and as soon as you respond with a smile, I will
approach you.

Lyrics:
First I talk about how I dress and this
And diamond necklesses – stretch Lexuses
The sex is just immaculate from the back I get
Deeper and deeper – help ya reach the
Climax that your man can’t make
Call and tell him you’ll be home real late
Let’s sing the break

TRNSL:
I prefer to open the conversation with light banter about my wardrobe
and jewelery, then I like to discuss my collection of expensive cars.
This is more than enough to convince you to have sexual intercourse
with me. I am able to insert my penis further into you when I enter
you from behind. Furthermore, you will be able to reach orgasm. I
understand
this to be a problem with your current sexual partner. He needn’t be
concerned about your whereabouts. Please phone him and inform him
that you won’t be home for a while. By the way, please sing the chorus
of the song for me also.

Lyrics:
She’s sick of that song on how it’s so long
Thought he worked his until I handled my biz
There I is – major pain like Damon Wayans
Low down dirty even like his brother Keenan
Schemin’ – don’t bring your girl ’round me
True player for real, ask Puff Daddy

TRNSL:
Your current love interest no longer wishes to hear your fabrications
about the length of your member. After I had sexual intercourse with
your woman, she became enlightened as to the proper way it is supposed
to be performed; violently and immorally. It would be in your best
interest to keep your woman away from me as my sexual prowess is very
strong. If you are unconvinced, ask Puff Daddy.

Lyrics:
You – ringin’ bells with bags from Chanel
Baby Benz, traded in your Hyundai Excel
Fully equipped, CD changer with the cell
She beeped me, meet me at twelve

TRNSL:
Despite the fact that you attempted to win her at her doorstep with
bags full of expensive clothes and a car (the lower end model Mercedes
Benz which you financed by signing over your current vehicle)
containing an expensive stereo and a cellular phone, your woman has
contacted me through my pager indicating that we should rendezvous at
midnight.

Lyrics:
Where you at? Flippin’ jobs, playin’ car notes?
While I’m swimmin’ in ya women like the breast stroke
Right stroke, left stroke what’s the best stroke
Death stroke – tongue all down her throat
Nuthin’ left to do but send her home to you
I’m through – can ya sing the song for me, boo?

TRNSL:
You, on the other hand, jump from job to job, barely able to maintain
payments on the Mercedes Benz you purchased for your woman.
Meanwhile, I continue to engage in sexual intercourse and commit lewd
osculatory acts with your women. My only remaining option is to
request that they leave my home and return to you because I have
reached orgasm and no longer have a need for their presence.

Lyrics:
So, what’s it gonna be? Him or me?
We can cruise the world with pearls
Gator boots for girls
The envy of all women, crushed linen
Cartier wrist-wear with diamonds in ’em
The finest women I love with a passion
Ya man’s a wimp, I give that ass a good thrashin’

TRNSL:
The ultimate decision rests with you. Whom do you choose as your
sexual partner. I can take you on cruises around the world. I will
dress you in the finest jewelery and footwear. You will be envied by
women worldwide in your fine clothes and jewelery. There is a special
place in my heart for beautiful women. I will defeat your man in an
altercation because he is effeminate.

Lyrics:
High fashion – flyin’ into all states
Sexin’ me while your man masturbates
Isn’t this great? Your flight leaves at eight
Her flight lands at nine, my game just rewinds
Lyrically I’m supposed to represent
I’m not only the client, I’m the player president

TRNSL:
You will be dressed in finest clothes on the runways of Paris. I will
fly you to every state to shop for fine clothes and jewelery. You
will enjoy sexual intercourse with me and your man will be forced to
pleasure himself through manual stimulation. What a life! I’ll
return you to LaGuardia in time to catch your 8 o’clock flight. The
timing is perfect becuase I have scheduled a date with a second woman
who arrives at the same gate at 9 o’clock. I’ll seduce her in the
same way that I seduced you. I rap well and I am a positive
reflection of my hometown. Not only am I a sexually deviant,
misogynistic, immoral, wealthy, male prostitute, but I also sit on the
board of directors of the organization that governs others of my
kind.